In 2012, a hardcore unit of geeks were sentenced to leave the house by a forum mod for trolling they did not commit. These men promptly escaped from various minimum security airports to an internet convention in Austin, Texas. Today, still wanted by their employers (and their local library following some awful business with their late fees), they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you’re bored, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can enjoy Say What Now?! Productions.
The SWN?! Team
Adrian – The Editor
A former Citadel Council Spectre, Adrian was sent to interact with everyday geekdom. On his final assignment, he was ordered to assassinate five individuals who had gathered in Austin, TX. He turned his back on the Council after accidentally using a paragon interrupt, which caused him to instead teach them important life lessons; such as panel queuing techniques and the correct way to boil an egg. Expunged from all galactic records as punishment (& for thwarting the Council’s plan to install incredibly slow elevators on the Citadel), he attempts to rebuild his honour armed only with colourful language, an allen key and a small plum.
Greg – The Engineer
From an early age, Greg was singled out as leading candidate for the UNSC’s Spartan Ops programme. However, fate and a drunken mistake at the UNSC Christmas party changed his life forever, when he was mistakenly assigned to the Artisan Books scheme instead. Despite this unfortunate series of events, he excelled in the creative arts and today philosophises on the duality of man (and all 50 Shades of Grey in between).
Jamie – The Podcaster
Jamie’s life was changed forever when he diagnosed with the rare incurable disease, happyfaceitis, which threatened to consume his entire body. Desperate to fulfil his life’s ambition of eating his own weight in bacon, he volunteered for an experimental procedure backed by a shady government military cell with a questionable safety record. Though the procedure was successful in stopping the symptoms, it was not without consequences. Jamie was now a Bronie.
Joe – The Producer
Joe, a hardened black-marketeer from the harsh roundabout strewn wasteland of Milton Keynes, made a promise that he would get his girlfriend away from the harsh draconian regime. They began a journey through the US, avoiding the infected, humanoid creatures also known as rednecks, that survive outside the quarantine zones; who see Joe and his girl as their latest prey. Since founding a base of operations in Texas and editing a weekly podcast, managing a bunch of yahoo’s has become the latest of his troubles.
Luke – The Gamer
As a teenager, Luke was bitten by a radioactive arcade machine. After lengthy hospital treatment, he found that he possessed strange new abilities; he was able to get his hands on every new triple-A title released on day one and to rant about PC game release dates. Since discovering this unworldly ability to consume game knowledge, he has subsequently played almost every major game release in the last 15 years. But despite his achievements, he holds a dark & troubling secret too terrible to be for the world to know: he still owns an N-Gage.
Nai – The Drunk
Thought to be lost after a massive weekend bender, Nai survived for three days stranded on what later turned out to be a golf course near Kidderminster. He returned home a changed man. He had never realised it before (as he was always in the pub), but his town had been blighted by Jedi scum and with rumours of a vigilante clown hunter spreading like wildfire, Nai’s insatiable need to wear leather burned anew. Stalking the pre-dawn early morning streets with his trusty bow, this Sith warrior springs into action, but only one mugful of gin at a time.
Rich (a.k.a. Huggy) – The Talker
After seeing his childhood pet murdered before his eyes by deranged clowns, Rich vowed to avenge it’s death by striking fear into all circus folk and – for reasons only known only to him – also dentists. By tapping into everyone’s rational fear of bears (because let’s face it, they are f**king scary), he became Huggy. Stalking them at night, Huggy lures his targets out into the open with the prospect of hot pizza or enticing them with the prospect of expensive dental treatment before eliminating them with various sadistic methods; all of which seem to revolve around sacrificing his Huggy-mobile for the cause.
Shelby – The Canadian
Held in the isolation of the Canadian wilderness, Shelby was raised by a clandestine organisation to be a living weapon. However, during the final stages of training & experimentation, her handlers failed to take into account her abnormally high levels of maple syrup in her system. Rather than being a vanguard of destruction, she was instead transformed into an instrument of apology & pacification. Despite this, Shelby and her wild arm flailings were unleashed onto the proving grounds of the internet.